Let me start with a disclaimer: I’m in a really strange mood. Spectators might suggest I’m just pissy, but I’m not. Well, not entirely. And screw the spectators, who asked them anyway, I’m so sick of people judging me by my resting bitch face…

See what I mean? Mood…

I need something…anything…supernatural to jump out at me. No, I take that back fully and completely. I need something good and kind and harmless that is completely unexpected and supernatural to jump out at me.

Have you ever had that feeling? That smouldering need to know that something is out there. Not to just have faith like I’ve been taught my whole life. As a believer I know I’m supposed to have faith. And I do, but it’s not always just about faith for me. It’s about the reminder…because I forget.

I forget my mom’s smell. Why do some people have experiences of ‘smelling’ lost loved ones but I don’t? How come Demi Moore got to say goodbye to Sam but I couldn’t say goodbye to MY Sam? (Yes yes, I know it was a movie. I refer you back to paragraph 2 of this writ.)

Some people talk about a supernatural chemistry upon meeting their true loves. Never felt that. For me, it’s mostly just the biology of not being totally grossed out by someone.

I’d like to be reminded that I’m not alone in the vast, open universe. I know that in the greater scheme of things I’m pretty insignificant and I’m remarkably okay with it. But I’d like to know that this is not all there is. That if we delve deep enough, we’ll discover worlds and unbelievable wonder. That I may sit here and suddenly feel the poke of a finger from far, far away. Or hear whispers from my protectors. Observe never before seen colors…

Don’t worry. Tomorrow morning I’ll think back to this post and roll my eyes so hard it’ll sound like a boxing bell. I don’t talk to my friends about these moods…they have enough on their plates. But I don’t know you. So if you frown in confusion or raise the corner of your lip in disgust, I won’t know it and by tomorrow you would have forgotten all about me.

That tequila bottle has been standing in the fridge for far too long. Here I come, Mexico!

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