NAKED FEAR

Much like that dude from Divergent, I only have four really meaty fears. I won’t go into three of the four of those fears, because that will just reveal what a big loser I am. But I’m happy to share the fourth, as everyone I know has been duly informed and they are already rolling their eyes at me…what is a few more eyerolls amongst complete strangers?

In March of 2019 I visited a dentist for the first time in 19 years. The days leading up to the appointment I felt chronically nauseated and moody. A friend had to drive me to the appointment because I was so dizzy, I couldn’t guarantee the safety of other road users.

I did my research on the dentist too. I made sure it was a woman and that it was one popular amongs children. One who isn’t mean. One who wouldn’t call me names for not visiting her people in 19 years…

I entered the doctor’s surgery and did what I always did when I’m nervous. I shook her hand over-enthusiastically and talked far too much. I proved my idiocy within a minute of meeting the poor woman. I apologized for everything: not having seen a dentist in 19 years; not having taken better care of my health; dating that one guy with a bad reputation; not studying hard enough for biochemistry.

Poor thing. She must have been itching to get instruments into my schmool.

She was the world’s most unforgettable sweetheart. And I didn’t have a single cavity. Boom. She cleaned my teeth and I was back in my friend’s car within half an hour…where I proceeded to properly cry from an overwhelming sense of relief.

See, it’s not that I fear pain. I’m pretty good dealing with pain. Or I should say: I’m pretty good taking pain medication.

No, my fear of dentists walks hand-in-hand with my fear of letting any human being near me. I cannot deal with someone being so close to me that they can see my molars. It makes me so uncomfortable and fearful that I was willing to risk dental tragedy by avoiding those people for two decades.

Tomorrow is my second appointment in 20 years. And yes, I’m so scared I want to herniate a disc. I couldn’t get an appointment with my sweet lady-dentist…I had to settle for an appointment with her husband, who – if you can believe people – is equally wonderful.

Time will tell if my dental luck has remained potent. Fingers crossed…

I’m craving a chococino…but I’d rather just gargle some mouthwash…and never eat again.

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