I switched off my computer at 5pm..sharp. Usually I just push in my chair and eventually – as the pleasures of dinner slowly dissipate – I reposition myself in front of the giant computer screen that seems to swallow my attentions and my hours in greedy gulps.
But not today. Today I switched off that asshole. Bye bye students who, after almost a month of multiple classes per week, have still not managed to find the instructions to the assignment that have been posted on the online platform under the cleverly disguised heading: ASSIGNMENT INSTRUCTIONS.
Bye bye condescending new boss who succombs to the urge to tell us every hour how we must do the job that we’ve spent more than a decade doing.
Bye bye research publications that anchor down my hopes for promotion.
And bye bye unfinished book that haunts the darker corners of my brain that I suspect really just prefers to be left unattended. Letting in light just scares the ghosts.
So I hopped in my car…without proper shoes or pants or bra…and supported a local drive-thru take-aways place like the good community citizen that I am. And seriously, this place makes dagwood burgers that would make you miss your childhood when your rich best friend invited you over to their place and her generous dad took over the kitchen and just smacked everything they had in the fridge on some fresh bread.
And then I settled in front of the telly…something I don’t regularly do anymore. I didn’t flick on Netflix. No no, I did the thing young people will hardly understand: I dug up old DVD’s and popped in my favourites: Copycat and Seven. Old style psychological thrillers…
It’s no enigma why I love thrillers. I get lost in them like I don’t in other movies. And I get lost in them because of fear…
My psychologist, my late mom, my friends and my cats have reached concensus that my emotional range is stunted. Too many super effective defence mechanisms and too hard a head.
But thrillers make me fearful and that lifts me above the everyday stress and mundane-ness of life where, for the most part, I don’t feel much.
It’s nice. I realise fear is not the ideal emotion but hey man, it’s something.
I’m going to have some more chococino…but I might switch on all the lights first…