Last week I watched this unnerving documentary on the data footprint we leave on the web and how this data is being used against us. Every click, every scroll, every ‘like’ reveals something of who we are and allows ill-meaning folk the ammunition to inject our perusals with news or information that would alter how we see things and even how we behave.

It scared the hell out of me to imagine that another human being apart from myself may be in control of my thoughts and decisions and opinions.

I also became paranoid about everything I’ve looked up on Google. Innocent curiosities like ‘how to kill a man and make it look like a suicide’ suddenly don’t seem so bloody innocent no more.

The more I thought about where my eyes go, the more convinced I am that forces far outside my control currently have a much firmer grip on me than I do on myself.

My emotions, for example, can be easily manipulated by the various social media platforms and news channels wreck havoc on logical and coherent thoughts.

I’ve been feeling rather blue the last few weeks. Apart from illness, it is devastating to absorb so many stories of financial hardship and worry. How many people will have no job security after all this? How many people will be made redundant (I loath that word. No-one is bloody redundant!) and feel that in their bones?

It gnaws away at my joyfulness.

But it’s because we are so viciously exposed to everything. News channels like CNN really know how to sell the sentimental story. Instagram shows the hardship. Twitter talks about it endlessly. Stories and news and pictures and videos about how the world is stumbling over itself.

We have to be careful what our brains are exposed to because what our brains are exposed to, becomes us. I resent how much I’ve been thinking of this virus and this situation to the exclusion of all else the last few months. I just want to step back. Be grateful for things. Not know things. Just be here, walking around in my own head and discover things. Just be me, instead of being worry…

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