CALM AS A DUCK

Have you ever stood really still in a crowd of busy people and allowed your peripheral vision to observe the relentless movement around you? Well, that’s how life feels to me right now. And if your instinct is to yell at your screen: ‘me too!’…well…then you’re my people…

I’m the most average person I know. Well, that’s not really true, I have a really bitchy face and I speak so fast that people struggle to identify the language I’m speaking. I spoke at a conference once and the interpreter walked from across the hall to interrupt me to ask that I speak slower. It’s bad. And the more excited I get, the worse it becomes.

But I digress.

I’m really average but the one thing in which I consider myself a gold-star-winner is logic. I’m pretty logical. And over the years I’ve learnt to depend heavily on this ability to get me out of messes…to help me win arguments…basically to get my way in life.

But today – albeit only for a second or two – I doubted my superpower.

As I looked around at the folk in my smaller sized city where nothing ever happens and no-one ever comes, I wondered why I seemed like the only duck on the dam. Why am I calm while so many others are…and I really tried to formulate this with elegance and dignity…losing their damn shit over the corona virus?

I’m not arguing the science or the facts or the myths here. The WHO is doing great in disseminating real information. This is about the response to a threat.

Stabbing someone over toilet paper?! Are we going to nuke people for bread and milk?

If everyone runs for the exit at the same time, no-one will get out. We know this from all those zombie movies. But the panic makes me feel a bit lonely. Should I also panic? Should I also stock up on loo paper and face masks despite what the experts say?

I guess not having kids makes it easier for me. I only have to decide for me. But me has decided that lonely or not, I’ll stay calm as a duck paddling on a pond. I’ll wash my hands and I won’t touch my face. But I’m not hurting someone else to stock up on anything and I’m not fanning the fear. CNN and BBC and all the other acronyms are doing a fine enough job of that already…

The worst case scenario is always I die. From corona or – more likely – heart disease, malaria or – very likely – spiked blood sugar from all the chococinos. And when I die I’d like to go with the quiet knowing that I did what I could but my number was still up. And then I’ll move on to the Next Phase where I’ll also be scared. But I’ll be the duck again…paddling and calm.

Of course I’m not the only calm person in this coronic mess. But that’s why I’m here, on an international platform talking nonsense…it reminds me how many of us there are…

So, if you’re one of the calm ones…have a chococino with me…

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