Demi Moore’s character said it best, didn’t she? If you want something badly, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, it was never yours to begin with.
This line from the movie Indecent Proposal (based on the book by Jack Engelhard) might have been aimed at a lover, but for purposes of this rant I’m applying it to a friend. This is my blog and I’ll cry if I want to.
One of the great pleasures of being a woman is having girlfriends. Female friendship is a magical potion that renders happy times happier and sad times a little less so. It’s like candy floss crutches: it will carry you lightly and sweetly.
I heard someone say once that while mothers and wives take care of their families, women take care of other women. I love that.
And listen, this is not to disrespect or undervalue male friendships. But since we live in a world where every little thing needs to be explained to avoid offence and I’m tired, I’m going to end this line of argument here and hope you understand that I simply mean to revel in the wonder of girlfriend-ness…
It’s not that I’ve never lost friendships before, mind you. But it’s always been organic and the pain of it felt more like the slow and tender removal of a Band-Aid underwater than the sudden ripping off of a plaster that has grown into your heart and as it goes, so does your heart and then you die.
I never wanted to lose this particular friend. But as time walked on I realized that I had idolized someone who simply didn’t want to hang on to the friendship with the same tenacity as I did. And how easy it was to seek fault with me! I went 67 rounds with myself and I was almost KO’d.
But in the end, try as I might, I cannot control the feelings of another person. And damnit! at that! So I decided to let her go. I refrained from contact and allowed the sad little chips to fall where they may.
And then it happened. Or, I should say, it didn’t happen. The fascinating, funny and brilliant little bird flew away and didn’t come back forever.
This is, for me, a first. Losing a friend with this car-accident-abruptness. And as time passed and our friendship dulled into an amicable collegiality, I had to accept that I didn’t do anything wrong. I was just not her forever bird.
I miss her. But I try to step back from my immediate emotions to see the larger picture of my life. Then I see her there. The beautiful bright yellow flash in that part of my life there. Along with the beautiful colors painted by other friends. Some who have gone, and some who are still there.
Then it’s easier to smile and move on and remember that I am blessed with a wonderful mesh of other friends who will lightly carry me on…